Bittersweet

I used to love the sound of the snow falling in silence, now my thoughts ring in the empty memories from 5 years ago. It makes me come back to that day in the street close to your ex building, you looked up to that window and I wondered who lived there.Never knew what was in your head but mine was every time a little bit more blue, more quiet from the outside but full of answers that I never asked, Because with you every expectation were failures, every single of my wishes died after my tongue let them out, so it was better to shut up, better don’t wait, never again waited for something happy coming from you. So something I really loved, like you know that I really loved the snow, became something bittersweet. 

I guess I needed time to be with myself, to hear my own thoughts and understand what I feel now about everything that has happened lately. I was keeping myself busy with so many thing, too many friends, too many extra activities just to not feel empty, to don’t admit to myself that I didn’t know how to handle things anymore, that the sadness sometimes is too strong. But I never let myself feel the sadness, is not that I don’t feel it but I won’t admit that I do. Is just that ghost that lives in the back of my head and I push it away because I’m too scared to face it. I’m not letting myself be sad this time, but I have been wondering about those things, because they come to my mind some days. I think someday I will face to face it. But well, not today.